Steelers to Resign Dan Sepulveda Next?

First it was Jonathan Dwyer, then it was Stevenson Sylvester, and now Will Allen! La Toalla Terrible was on the scene at the South Side to investigate the “Revolving Door Phase of the Roethlisberger Era.”

While there he ran in to Steelers General Manager Cevin Kolbert and seemly stumbled on another great story while perhaps creating a third one of his own.

La Toalla asked the erstwhile General Manager, “Hey, what’s the deal with you giving these guys pink slips only to turn around with the welcome mat.”

  • “Ah, it all comes down the record in this business,” Kolbert confided.

“So the 0-4 record gives us the ole ‘desperate measures for desperate measures’ routine?” continued the inquiry.

  • “0-4? Of course not. We made these moves because we wanted to avoid going 0-4!” contorted Kolbert.

“…Um… Cevin isn’t it kind of late for that? Aren’t Allen and Sylvester returning to an 0-4 team?” La Toalla suggested.

“Oh, Will and Stevenson? No, no it’s not about them. It all started when we lost Ryan,” continued Cevin.

  • “What! The Steelers are going to cut Ryan Clark?!” the Toalla wondered aloud thinking he’d stumbled on the Steelers scoop of the century.

“No, no, not Ryan Clark! Ryan Muundy” Kolbert corrected.

Ryan Mundy? Ryan Mundy?” La Toalla quized.

“Yes, when we lost Ryan Mundy, I said to Ron ‘You know, that makes the 2008 Draft Class a total wash. I could get fired for a draft like that.’ And you know how Ron responded? ‘Cevin, drafts like this did get me fired in Detroit” Kolbert revealed.

  • “Nice. But what’s that got to do with Sylvester Allen?” La Toalla insisted.

“You still don’t get it, do you? We did some brain storming, and realized that while we can’t salvage the ’08 draft, the ’07 draft was another question. And viola! Matt Spaeth and William Gay. Now what do you think of that?” Kolbert questioned.

“So, what your saying is that if Zoltan Mesko doesn’t pick up his punting, we can expect a Daniel Sepulveda sighting on the South Side?” La Toalla suggested. 

At that, the Steelers General Manager’s eyebrows elevated. His lips locked, as he starred downward, and slowly nodded his head. Then suddenly snatched his cellphone….

  • Only to learn the battery was dead!

“These damm things never hold a charge” Kolbert claimed, as he dashed off in search of the nearest land line…
Welcome to the world of La Toalla Terrible (that’s “Terrible Towel” in Spanish) who takes occasional looks at the bizzaro side of all things Steelers. Click here for more of La Toalla’s rantings and ravings. 

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Isaac Redman Signs Tender with New Orleans; Steelers to Trade for Darrelle Revis

Already reeling for the losses of Mike Wallace, Keenan Lewis, Rashard Mendenhall and perhaps worse yet Will Allen and Ryan Mundy, Steelers Nation woke up to another fine April 1st to the news that they have yet another hole to fill.

Behind the Steel Curtain is reporting that the AFL’s New Orleans Voodo has signed restricted free agent Isaac Redman to a two year tender worth an estimated 3 million dollars. The Steelers have 7 days to match the offer.

Given that this would mark the first interleague transaction since the days of the USFL, it is unknown what conversation the Steelers would get should they lose Redman. Baron Batch and Jonathan Dwyer are the only running backs the Steelers have under contract, although the Steelers recently worked out New York Giants running back Ahmad Bradshaw.

  • The Steelers are not standing by idly, however.

The Steelers are apparently angling to trade New York Jets stand out cornerback   Darrelle Revis in another story broken by Behind the Steel Curtain.

La Toalla Terrible (that’s Terrible Towel in Spanish) offers occasional insights into the sometimes surreal and subline underbelly of Steelers Nation. If you’re up for even more of La Toalla’s ridiculous ramblings, click here
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La Toalla Terrible Says “I Told You So” on Willie Colon’s Release

Mock me if you must! Snicker if you should! But don’t be so quick to doubt or discount the wisdom of La Toalla Terrible!

It was nigh two summers ago when all of Steelers Nation was awash in the glow of Willie Colon’s decision to give the Steelers a home town discount to the tune of 3 million dollars.

All was well, but what did we say? For those with short memories, La Toalla Terrible is only too happy to help you recall. We predicted nothing less than the Steelers would cut Willie Colon in two years:

Called us “Party Poopers” did they. Negated as Naysayers needen’t we remind you…

  • …but who has the last laugh now?

Never one to shy away from twirling his own towel, La Toalla can’t help but say anticipating Colon’s cutting is only the latest in a streak of correct predictions.

In late January we said big news was about to break in Steelers Nation and low and behold Amos Jones heads to Pittsburgh West, Jack Bicknell joins to coach the offensive line, and Danny Smith arrives to act as special teams coach all in the space of two weeks!.

So, if news breaks that Bruce Arians is calling Ricky Turner to pick his brain, just remember who it was that told you that BA was licking his chops over the thought of running the wishbone….

La Toalla Terrible (that’s Terrible Towel in Spanish) offers occasional insights into the sometimes surreal and subline underbelly of Steelers Nation. If you’re up for even more of La Toalla’s ridiculous ramblings, click here
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Big News is about to Break in Steelers Nation

It’s been quite a while since La Toalla Terrible (that’s Terrible Towel in Spanish) has made an appearance here on Steel Curtain Rising.

And the rumor is that he’s only able to sneak in a return because our regular scribe is off on vacation. Cats away, mice will play. Heee…. But that’s the point! Big News is about to break relating to the Pittsburgh Steelers Nation. Its almost a scientific fact. When good old “KT” is away on vacation, things happen in Steelers Nation.

The track record even extends beyond the life of this blog:

  • In 2000 on his first trip to Argentina, the Cowher-Donahoe feud came to a head with Dan Rooney siding with the chin
  • In 2007 he was off to Chile while Steelers Nation, and the Rooneys themselves, agonized between Russ Grimm and Mike Tomlin
  • Super Bowl week in 2009 found him in Tandil deep in the province of Buenos Aires
  • Super Bowl week in 2011 found him in Brazil where he missed Super Bowl XLV
  • When Bruce Arians got the axe in 2012 he was in New York City (Rumor has it that he started writing something on the Arians ouster only to have his wife catch him in the act. Word is she stopped him cold in his tracks….)
  • When the Steelers decided to resign Antonio Brown he happened to be taking a long weekend in Colonia Uruguay 

Just what will the news be?

  • Could Amos Jones be getting the axe? (We should only hope!) 
  • Another assistant coach has another sudden 4 day retirement? 
  • Could it be that Omar Kahn heads to New York or 
  • We know that Todd Haley won’t be leaving Pittsburgh East for Pittsburgh West, but might he head elsewhere?

No one can know for sure, but La Toalla Terrible is here to assure you that big news is in the offing….

La Toalla Terrible dedicates himself to taking a wacky, zany view on all things Steelers. While he hasn’t been heard from recently, you can check out his past rantings by clicking here.

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Steelers To Cut Willie Colon in 2 Years

Steelers fans experiencing a feeling of euphoria over the signing of offensive lineman Willie Colon need look no further than La Toalla Terrible to burst their bubbles.

La Toalla Terrible, ever one to ferret out those hard to find news nuggets, uncovered a shocking revelation from the Steelers brass.

The Steelers plan to cut Willie Colon within two years.

Sound crazy.

Think about it:

  • The Steelers signed Sean Mahan in 2007 to a five year deal and then…

…Traded him back to Tampa Bay in 2008

  • They signed Kendall Simmons to a four year deal in 2007 and then…

…cut him in 2009

Notice a trend? Well keep your eyes peeled boys and girls because it gets better.

  • After signing Justin Hartwig to a 2 year deal in 2008, they extended his contract for four years in 2009, and then…

…cut him in 2010

  • After benching Max Starks in 2007 they made him their transition player in 2008 and then the franchise player in 2009 before finally signing him to a four year deal in 2009 with a ten million dollar bonus, only to, you guessed it…

… cut him in 2011.

What’s more, the Steelers really wanted to resign Marvel Smith before the 2008 season. After pouting at Pittsburgh’s proposal Smith “NO” opted to become a free agent and was promptly put on the after falling prey to injury against Jacksonville.

Steelers Football Operations Director Cevin Kolbert regrets that one to this very day, explaining to La Toalla Terrible:

You know we offered Marvel a multi-year contract with a nice bonus, it’s a shame he didn’t sign it. His refusal really wrought havoc with our plans.

‘Messed up your plans!’ La Toalla Terrible exclaimed! ‘How could that be, didn’t you dodge a bullet on a not giving a bunch of money to a guy forced into retirement less than a year later?’

“Relax,” cautioned Kolbert, “It’s a sane strategy.”

‘Strategy?’ ‘Strategy?’ ‘How is that a sane strategy?’ demanded La Toalla.

“Don’t you see?” countered Kolbert, “we wanted to lock down Marvel for the same reason we locked down Willie.”

“So why sign lineman to long term contracts only to cut them two years later,” La Toalla Terrible insisted, and then stared at his source through the slits of his eyes.

After holding out in silence Kolbert finally caved, offering in exasperation, “ as Kolbert revealed, “you see, it keeps the rest of the league guessing!”

La Toalla Terrible (Spanish for Terrible Towel) takes Steel Curtain Rising’s readers for walks along the bizzaro side of Steelers Nation. Click here to read more of La Toalla’s rumblings and mumblings. Click here for the rest of Steel Curtain Rising.

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NFL Fines of James Harrison to be Automatic?

For the second time since he was named 2008 NFL Defensive player of the year, the NFL has announced that it is making a James Harrison-specific policy change.

NFL spokesman Craig Aiello explains:

The large number of fines levied against Pittsburgh Steelers All-Pro quarterback James Harrison have garnered league-wide attention, and the NFL is acting. The NFL announces that as of this week, the league will no longer publicly acknowledge when James Harrison has been fined for doing nothing than playing the game with the aggressiveness that has been a hallmark of Steelers defensive dominance.

Instead, in the interests of only making announcements that are newsworthy, the league will announce those occasions where James Harrison is NOT fined. We feel that automating the process of fining James Harrison will simplify matters for the fans, his team, the league, our officials, and most of all James Harrison himself.

Neither the Steelers nor James Harrison could be reached for comment on the matter.

Nor would Craig Aiello confirm whether this meant that James Harrison would be fined automatically unless video reviews determine his play warranted no fine.

However, when La Toalla Terrible approached James Harrison’s agent, Parise Williamson, to make this very same inquiry, Mr. Williamson declined questions, but could be overheard to be discussing automatic debiting options with a Pittsburgh banking institution….

La Toalla Terrible (that’s Terrible Towel in Spanish) serves as Steel Curtain Rising’s alter ego (some might just say EGO). To read more missives (mischief?) from el mano de La Toalla Terrible, click here.

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Steelers, NFL to Scrimmage Against CFL Prior to 18 Game Season…

The first weeks of the NFL’s 2010 season have generated a plethora of complaints from both fans and professional press about erratic officiating, lazy penalties, bone headed turnovers, and general sloppy play.

Hearing the cries of the masses, the NFL is about to react and, as a result, the Steelers could find themselves playing the Ottawa Roughriders next August….

Confused, might you be? Well let the Craig Alielo, NFL’s Spokesman, who spoke at a secret Saturday night press conference in Saskatchewan, enlighten you:

Many observers have noted the unusually sloppy play evident during the first weeks of the 2010 NFL season and tied that to the increasing infrequency of starters playing in the preseason. Against this backdrop, many have asked, ‘will this only get worse when the number of preseason games is reduced by half to make way for the 18 game season?’

Today, we are happy to say we can answer those critics with an emphatic ‘No,’ as the plan we are announcing today assures.

When the NFL moves to the 18 game season NFL teams will play two preseason games against other league teams in addition to playing one full-length scrimmage against teams from the Canadian Football League.

Scrimmaging extensively against CFL teams will reduce the threat of injury while giving NFL franchises an accurate simulation of game-time action that allows teams to build the cohesion necessary for crisp play once the regular season begins.

Finally, this arrangement will also be mutually beneficial to the developmental goals of both leagues.

After making the bombshell announcement, the erstwhile NFL spokesman did not entertain questions, but La Toalla Terrible cut him off at the pass as he was en route to the WC.

Would these scrimmages follow with CFL rules or NFL rules?

“NFL rules, but we think we might just go ahead and give them their 12th player to make it fair.”

How will this reduce the threat of injury?

“Have you seen how small some of those Canadian’s can get?”

And the fact that there are more NFL team than CFL franchises?

“LOGISTICS will not thwart The Commissioner’s mandate to meet the fan’s demands!”

The final question relating this business about “mutually beneficial to the developmental goals” drew this exasperated retort:

When the regular season extends into January teams are going to be playing their 4th and 5th strings… Just WHAT talent pool do you think GM’s will dip into to fill their backup slots? [Pause]

Heck, we’re giving these guys free auditions while helping clubs scrimp on scouting expenses. Now PLEASE let me be, I really have to GO…

All of this is quite the shock to be sure. It is uncertain when the NFL will release more information on this, but you can be sure that La Toalla Terrible will be right on top of it (or at least somewhere close….)

La Toalla Terrible’s commentary appears occasionally in Steel Curtain Rising, and provides readers with a jest-filled slice of life from the Bizzaro side of Steelers Nation. To read more rants from La Toalla Terrible (that’s Terrible Towel in Spanish), click here.

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Steelers Announce 5th Round Selection in Advance of the Draft

The NFL draft is only hours away, but the Toalla Terrible has already learned who the Steelers will pick, at least in one round.

Forget about the Byron Leftwich trade, forget about the rumors surrounding Roethlisberger, in an exclusive interview with Steelers Director of football operations Cevin Kolbert informed the Toalla Terrible that the Steelers will select a quarterback in the 5th round.

As Kolbert explains, “Let me say this in no uncertain terms, come hell or high water the Pittsburgh Steelers will select a quarterback in the 5th round of this week’s draft. We have a precedent to maintain.”

Since Kolbert arrived in Pittsburgh in 2000 the Steelers have used their fifth round pick to select a quarterback in 2000, 2003, 2006, and 2008.

“When I got here we picked Tee Martin, then when he washed out in NFL Europe, we drafted Brian [St. Pierre] in 2003, and man was he a scout team stud. When the 2006 draft came it dawned upon us that was imperative that we begin grooming a replacement as St. Pierre was going to be a free agent soon.”

That would-be heir apparent was none other than Omar Jacobs, whom the Steelers drafted in the fifth round of the 2006 draft. But Jacobs couldn’t cut it.

“You know the clipboard looked good in Jacobs’ hands, but when it came down to it, he didn’t carry it with the same authority as Brian did.”

St. Pierre left as a free agent for Pittsburgh West, aka the Arizona Cardinals, creating a gapping hole in Kolbert’s depth chart. But with every crisis comes opportunity, opines Kolbert.

“It was tough to see Brian go, but you know how it is. But by the same token that meant that when the fifth round arrived, we knew what to do. I mean, to be honest, last year it felt kind of, funny, not drafting a quarterback in the fifth round.”

Ah, but thanks to the Santonio Holmes trade, the Steelers have not one, but two fifth round picks. Could they use both picks or, if not, which pick will they use on a quarterback their’s or the Jets?

Only Kolbert knows, but he certainly isn’t saying, when the Toalla Terrible asked him, he clammed up and stormed off in a huff exclaiming:

“What! Do you expect me to just GIVE you my entire draft board? This interview is over!”

The Toalla Terrible (that’s Spanish for Terrible Towel) takes a zany the Steelers. Click here to read more of his writings (ravings?)

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Arians Confesses: Now I Can Finally Run the Wishbone!

The news that Ben Roethlisberger was not going to play against Baltimore was a downer in all corners. Except one.

La Toalla Terrible has learned that Bruce Arians has secretly relished the thought of running the Wishbone, and will get his chance Sunday night against Baltimore.

“You see, Bruce doesn’t mind all of the heat he has taken over favoring the passing game, because it really distracts from his ultimate goal, running the wishbone,” our source told La Toalla Terrible.

With three accomplished rushers, Rashard Mendenhall, Willie Parker, and Mewelde Moore, the Steelers are perfectly suited to run the Wishbone. Yet, despite such an impressive stable of running backs, the Steelers run to pass ratio for the year stands at about 60% pass 40% run, a historic low for an NFL franchise whose bread and butter has been rushing.

That disparity, however, is all part of Bruce Arians’ master plan.

“You see,” La Toalla Terrible’s source informed, “As an offensive coordinator Bruce has to use the weapons at his disposal, and he loves Ben like a son. So he’s been forced to pass, pass, and pass again. But Bruce’s really always secretly aspired to be the next Ron Erhardt. He’d never wish for anything bad to happen to Ben but with both Ben and Batch out, he can finally put all three running backs on the field at the same time.”

Should the Wishbone be successful against Baltimore, could the Steelers commit to running more even after Ben gets back?

At that La Toalla Terrible’s source clamed up, with a tart “No Comment.”

La Toalla Terrible (that’s Spanish for Terrible Towel) brings Steel Curtain Rising a zany, tongue and cheek look at the Steelers. To read more of La Toalla Terrible’s writings (ravings?) click here.

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Steelers to Forfeit Fourth Round Draft Pick

The Steelers announced today that they will forfeit their fourth round pick in this weekend’s NFL draft.

The NFL sometimes forces teams to forfeit picks as a punishment. This happened to the Steelers in 2001. This move however is not the result of any disciplinary action.

Steelers Director of Football Operations Cevin Kolbert explains:

“Let’s face it, since I arrived in 2000 our track record in the fourth round isn’t too good. I mean, OK we did hit it picking Ike Taylor in the 4th in 2003 and Larry Foote in the 4th a year earlier, but other than that we’ve basically shot blanks – no offense to Willie Colon.”

In his first draft, Kolbert picked Danny Farmer in the fourth round and Farmer never made the team. When asked about his 2001 4th round pick Mathias Nkwenti, Kolbert responded “How do you spell BUST again?”

“We narrowly averted disaster in 2004 – we traded our fourth round pick. Since then we’ve picked Fred Gibson in 2005, Orien Harris in 2006, and Ryan McBean in 2007. If these names do not ring a bell, that’s because none of them made the team,” laments Kolbert.

Why forfeit instead of trading the pick? Kolbert explains, “2008 was an epiphany for us. We almost had to cut Tony Hills, Dan Sepulveda hurt himself, and everyone keeps insisting that Willie Colon should play guard. It became obvious. The pick is cursed for us. We trade the pick now and the player drafted haunt us later. That won’t happen now.”

La Toalla Terrible takes a lighter, tongue and cheek look at the Steelers. Click here to read La Toalla Terrible’s other writings (ravings?). If more serious analysis is your cup of tea, check out the rest of Steel Curtain Rising.

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